So she enters the room, and—no. No so. And this should be past tense so she entered—stop. Go back to so. No so, too many sos, go back to—start over.
She entered the room, and he thought
...
Why did it turn off? Aren't I allowed to think for a few seconds? Stop. Start again.
Maybe entered isn't good enough. Stop. Start again.
She swept into the room—ugh. Cliché. She glided. Glid? Glided. Start over.
She glided into the room
That just doesn't look right.
All eyes went to the door as she entered.
Stop. Eyes do not go to doors.
All eyes were on her as she glided into the room.
Can eyes be on somebody? They can look on somebody.
All eyes looked on her as she glided into the room.
...
...
--> Oh, pigpigpiggypig blahblah. Blah! Stop!
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