Friday, January 9, 2015

Dear Aunt Petrea


The famous author, Haruki Murakami, has announced he's going to write an advice column on his website.

Hell, I can do that! I can give advice on all kinds of subjects. I'm happy to tell you what to do. Just let me know what the problem is and I'll set you straight. Here are some examples of my useful guidance:

Dump the sucker.

No, no, black is sooo 2007.

Feed it to the cat.

It takes about two years.

Milk. I'm not kidding. It works.


Really! Just ask me. I'm glad to receive queries of any kind, in any language (I have Google Translate!). I will share my opinions on dogs, sports and dogs. And anything else I can spell, or sound out.

Just ask your questions in the comments and off we go!

42 comments:

John Sandel said...

Should I pay attention to, like, world affairs? Terrrorists, politics, movie stars—that stuff? I'm pretty sleepy right now.

Book Dragon said...

any cat advice? ;-)

What I really need is the answer to what book do I read now? I haven't picked up a book to read at all this year!

Shell Sherree said...

Toenail polish. Gold or pink? {I swim in the shallows ... what can I say.}

Dina said...

I can't think of a question, Aunt Petrea. But I like your photos here!

Stefan Jansson said...

Ha ha, you are funny. I have read most of his novels, he is a unique author.

Maya said...

What should I do when I grow up?

Kalei's Best Friend said...

hmmmm. do u think Marakami should give out advice?

William Kendall said...

I guess I'm stuck in 2007. Black is my go-to colour.

Petrea Burchard said...

John: not when you're sleepy, you won't be able to sleep. I suggest interest during waking hours, with a healthy detachment.

Petrea Burchard said...

BD: You might try "I Could Pee On This and Other Poems by Cats." Ha! two in one.
http://www.amazon.com/Could-Pee-This-Other-Poems/dp/1452110581

Petrea Burchard said...

Shell: since I'm into the two for one, I suggest pink with shiny sprinkles.

Petrea Burchard said...

Thank you, Auntie Dina!

Stefan, I don't claim to be the author he is, that's for sure. He's quite a guy.

Petrea Burchard said...

Maya: you should marry the love of your life and be a photographer.

Petrea Burchard said...

KBF, I think if I can, he can. He could surely give writing advice.

Petrea Burchard said...

Red tie, William? Grey pants? Just to jazz things up.

Clifford Beshers said...

What do I do with this squid?

I like the color of this squid's ink.

This squid does not smell fresh, though.

How long until a squid is mature?

Now my cat dish smells like old squid.

Petrea Burchard said...

Cliff: I'm sorry, but although you like the color of the ink you will not be keeping this squid. It's no longer fresh. It's no longer alive.

Put the squid in a plastic bag and tie the bag closed. You can call your bag the "squid bag" if you like, but it doesn't matter what you call it. Take it to the garbage can—the one outdoors, where it can't stink up the house. Let the garbage men take it away.

Your squid was probably about a year old when he died.

Time to bathe the cat.

Bellis said...

You guys are cracking me up! What should I do?

Petrea Burchard said...

Go with it, Bellis, as long as you're in the privacy of your home.

Amy said...

Should I just pretend like last night didn't happen or should I overthink it and get all freaked out? Or third option?

Pasadena Adjacent said...

If I commit insurance fraud, does that make me a bad person?

Petrea Burchard said...

Depends. Just keep on using that pseudonym.

Margaret said...

You have found your true calling. You are a fount of wisdom.

Clifford Beshers said...

Now I have two sets of answers to the same questions. I'm not sure my brain can handle that.

Petrea Burchard said...

Thank you, Margaret. I also have some runes, in case I need them.

Cliff, sometimes you have to choose.

Maya said...

I guess that means I'm already a grown up. Oh to be a kid again!

Petrea Burchard said...

I'll bet you've got some kid in you.

Maya said...

I've had to work at it. I have more kid in me now than when I was a kid. :)

Petrea Burchard said...

Good! A noble pursuit!

Ms M said...

You're perfect for this!

Petrea Burchard said...

Thank you, Ms M. I appreciate your support.

Gunn said...

That is good news....So now I know where to go:)
I like the colourful images of you. Artistic!

llandudnopictures said...

You should create yourself an 'Agony Aunt' title before you start though... 'Problem solving Petrea' or something?! ;-)

Petrea Burchard said...

Thank you, Gunn!

Geoff, something like Pessimistic Petrea? Petrea the Pragmatist? I like that.

altadenahiker said...

Practically Petrea.

Petrea Burchard said...

I like that. It lends itself to interpretation.

william braquemard said...

I have a question. Is it true, is the grass really greener in Pasadena?

Petrea Burchard said...

Not right now, William. We're having a drought. It's greener where you are.

LOLfromPasa said...

Gosh, Petrea, you are amazing!

Petrea Burchard said...

Hee hee, LOL, I try.

Book Dragon said...

meow
meow meow meow
meow meow
meow meow MEOW!
Well?
Why aren't you laughing?
sigh
I must have told the joke wrong

just finished I Could Pee on This, thanks for the suggestion ;-)

Petrea Burchard said...

Ha!
I haven't read the whole thing yet and that one is new to me. Cats have a sense of humor!