1. Duck.
(He has a sword.)
2. Cover.
(See item 1.)
3. Speak in soothing tones like you would to an angry dog.
(He doesn't speak English. He speaks something called Brythonic.)
4. Keep your head lower than his and don't make eye contact.
(Don't challenge him. He's not a tall guy and he gets defensive.)
5. Allow him to smell you.
(If you're still alive at this point, just be glad he inspects you in this way and not some other.)
6. Maintain your dignity.
(This may seem impossible after the man has sniffed your armpits, but you might need your dignity later so do what you can to hold on.)
7. Give him your horse.
(Or your bicycle or your roller skates or whatever you've got. Appease the man, for god's sake, he's a barbarian warlord and you're on his turf.)
8. Be nice to his friends.
(He has a lot of them. They wear metal outfits. You have no choice.)
9. Go where he takes you.
(It's dark. You're in the woods. It's 500AD. You have other plans?)
10. Don't complain about the wagon ride even if they chain you.
(It's a long walk to Camelot.)
20 comments:
Whew!!! I feel so much better now that I have a plan!!! There's only one thing...it doesn't mention anything about how to handle having crapped in my pants...
Good advice. You of all people should know.
That photo is a great mood setter.
Chieftess, I'm afraid you're going to have to figure that one out yourself!
Thank you, Dina!
… and always carry a copy of Camelot and Vine.
Another photograph that would make a great book cover, and you already wrote the book!
Yes, I always imagined your book cover would look like this. Can't beat Chieftess!
Dive, as you know, my KA could read Latin. I doubt, however, we'll see that translation of C&V.
Funny, Deb, I didn't want a photo for the cover. I'm not sure why except the first artist I contacted sent me what I asked him not to send--photos. My 40-year-old heroine was suddenly 18, wearing sexy armor, with a pink background.
It's Millard Canyon, Bellis. I messed with the photo a bit.
Heehee, your book's heroine didn't do too badly, keeping her head about her when all others... It'd be a tad inconvenient to land in 500AD Britain (esp. with dinner only an hour away), but maybe I'll make it if I follow this advice:)
Very inconvenient. No toilet paper, no tissues, not even cars.
Excellent advice -- along with Dive's addition of carrying a copy of C&V. Now I'm prepared for (almost) anything!
I'll hang on to this list, just in case.
11. be polite while making excuses and start looking for that damn vortex that got you here to begin with.
You might want to print it out and carry it in your pocket, Hiker.
A good addition, PA. Any and all and sundry, etc. are welcome to add more.
What a fun list. And that picture is gorgeous.
Thanks, Margaret. I'm glad people like the picture. This is one I wasn't sure of.
Click your heels together and say (softly so he won't hear you), "Get me the hell out of here!" Then come home and write a book...
I would run away as fast as I could! :-))) And yes, great photo!
We need a "like" button on Blogger. I suppose the equivalent is a smiley:
:)
And if all goes wrong, mention that your best friend is a Killer Rabbit.
You're right, William, that's my best defense.
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