Monday, March 10, 2014
10 Things You Should Do If You Meet King Arthur In A Dark Forest
(He has a sword.)
(See item 1.)
3. Speak in soothing tones like you would to an angry dog.
(He doesn't speak English. He speaks something called Brythonic.)
4. Keep your head lower than his and don't make eye contact.
(Don't challenge him. He's not a tall guy and he gets defensive.)
5. Allow him to smell you.
(If you're still alive at this point, just be glad he inspects you in this way and not some other.)
6. Maintain your dignity.
(This may seem impossible after the man has sniffed your armpits, but you might need your dignity later so do what you can to hold on.)
7. Give him your horse.
(Or your bicycle or your roller skates or whatever you've got. Appease the man, for god's sake, he's a barbarian warlord and you're on his turf.)
8. Be nice to his friends.
(He has a lot of them. They wear metal outfits. You have no choice.)
9. Go where he takes you.
(It's dark. You're in the woods. It's 500AD. You have other plans?)
10. Don't complain about the wagon ride even if they chain you.
(It's a long walk to Camelot.)