▼

Friday, January 9, 2015

Dear Aunt Petrea


The famous author, Haruki Murakami, has announced he's going to write an advice column on his website.

Hell, I can do that! I can give advice on all kinds of subjects. I'm happy to tell you what to do. Just let me know what the problem is and I'll set you straight. Here are some examples of my useful guidance:

Dump the sucker.

No, no, black is sooo 2007.

Feed it to the cat.

It takes about two years.

Milk. I'm not kidding. It works.


Really! Just ask me. I'm glad to receive queries of any kind, in any language (I have Google Translate!). I will share my opinions on dogs, sports and dogs. And anything else I can spell, or sound out.

Just ask your questions in the comments and off we go!

at

42 comments:

  1. John SandelJanuary 9, 2015 at 10:31 PM

    Should I pay attention to, like, world affairs? Terrrorists, politics, movie stars—that stuff? I'm pretty sleepy right now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Book DragonJanuary 10, 2015 at 1:42 AM

    any cat advice? ;-)

    What I really need is the answer to what book do I read now? I haven't picked up a book to read at all this year!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Shell SherreeJanuary 10, 2015 at 1:56 AM

    Toenail polish. Gold or pink? {I swim in the shallows ... what can I say.}

    ReplyDelete
  4. DinaJanuary 10, 2015 at 2:23 AM

    I can't think of a question, Aunt Petrea. But I like your photos here!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Stefan JanssonJanuary 10, 2015 at 4:02 AM

    Ha ha, you are funny. I have read most of his novels, he is a unique author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. MayaJanuary 10, 2015 at 4:07 AM

    What should I do when I grow up?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kalei's Best FriendJanuary 10, 2015 at 4:31 AM

    hmmmm. do u think Marakami should give out advice?

    ReplyDelete
  8. William KendallJanuary 10, 2015 at 8:49 AM

    I guess I'm stuck in 2007. Black is my go-to colour.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:50 AM

    John: not when you're sleepy, you won't be able to sleep. I suggest interest during waking hours, with a healthy detachment.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:52 AM

    BD: You might try "I Could Pee On This and Other Poems by Cats." Ha! two in one.
    http://www.amazon.com/Could-Pee-This-Other-Poems/dp/1452110581

    ReplyDelete
  11. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:53 AM

    Shell: since I'm into the two for one, I suggest pink with shiny sprinkles.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:54 AM

    Thank you, Auntie Dina!

    Stefan, I don't claim to be the author he is, that's for sure. He's quite a guy.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:55 AM

    Maya: you should marry the love of your life and be a photographer.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:56 AM

    KBF, I think if I can, he can. He could surely give writing advice.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:57 AM

    Red tie, William? Grey pants? Just to jazz things up.

    ReplyDelete
  16. UnknownJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:58 AM

    What do I do with this squid?

    I like the color of this squid's ink.

    This squid does not smell fresh, though.

    How long until a squid is mature?

    Now my cat dish smells like old squid.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 10:41 AM

    Cliff: I'm sorry, but although you like the color of the ink you will not be keeping this squid. It's no longer fresh. It's no longer alive.

    Put the squid in a plastic bag and tie the bag closed. You can call your bag the "squid bag" if you like, but it doesn't matter what you call it. Take it to the garbage can—the one outdoors, where it can't stink up the house. Let the garbage men take it away.

    Your squid was probably about a year old when he died.

    Time to bathe the cat.

    ReplyDelete
  18. BellisJanuary 10, 2015 at 10:51 AM

    You guys are cracking me up! What should I do?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 12:05 PM

    Go with it, Bellis, as long as you're in the privacy of your home.

    ReplyDelete
  20. AmyJanuary 10, 2015 at 4:34 PM

    Should I just pretend like last night didn't happen or should I overthink it and get all freaked out? Or third option?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Pasadena AdjacentJanuary 10, 2015 at 7:20 PM

    If I commit insurance fraud, does that make me a bad person?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 7:32 PM

    Depends. Just keep on using that pseudonym.

    ReplyDelete
  23. MargaretJanuary 10, 2015 at 8:55 PM

    You have found your true calling. You are a fount of wisdom.

    ReplyDelete
  24. UnknownJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:09 PM

    Now I have two sets of answers to the same questions. I'm not sure my brain can handle that.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Petrea BurchardJanuary 10, 2015 at 9:19 PM

    Thank you, Margaret. I also have some runes, in case I need them.

    Cliff, sometimes you have to choose.

    ReplyDelete
  26. MayaJanuary 10, 2015 at 11:52 PM

    I guess that means I'm already a grown up. Oh to be a kid again!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Petrea BurchardJanuary 11, 2015 at 11:49 AM

    I'll bet you've got some kid in you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. MayaJanuary 11, 2015 at 11:54 AM

    I've had to work at it. I have more kid in me now than when I was a kid. :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Petrea BurchardJanuary 11, 2015 at 11:55 AM

    Good! A noble pursuit!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Ms MJanuary 11, 2015 at 7:29 PM

    You're perfect for this!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Petrea BurchardJanuary 11, 2015 at 7:40 PM

    Thank you, Ms M. I appreciate your support.

    ReplyDelete
  32. GunnJanuary 12, 2015 at 1:42 AM

    That is good news....So now I know where to go:)
    I like the colourful images of you. Artistic!

    ReplyDelete
  33. AnonymousJanuary 12, 2015 at 1:57 AM

    You should create yourself an 'Agony Aunt' title before you start though... 'Problem solving Petrea' or something?! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Petrea BurchardJanuary 12, 2015 at 8:19 AM

    Thank you, Gunn!

    Geoff, something like Pessimistic Petrea? Petrea the Pragmatist? I like that.

    ReplyDelete
  35. AnonymousJanuary 13, 2015 at 10:24 AM

    Practically Petrea.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Petrea BurchardJanuary 13, 2015 at 11:21 AM

    I like that. It lends itself to interpretation.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Hull and HereaboutsJanuary 15, 2015 at 6:09 AM

    I have a question. Is it true, is the grass really greener in Pasadena?

    ReplyDelete
  38. Petrea BurchardJanuary 15, 2015 at 9:31 AM

    Not right now, William. We're having a drought. It's greener where you are.

    ReplyDelete
  39. LOLfromPasaJanuary 15, 2015 at 10:38 AM

    Gosh, Petrea, you are amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Petrea BurchardJanuary 15, 2015 at 4:51 PM

    Hee hee, LOL, I try.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Book DragonJanuary 16, 2015 at 1:17 AM

    meow
    meow meow meow
    meow meow
    meow meow MEOW!
    Well?
    Why aren't you laughing?
    sigh
    I must have told the joke wrong

    just finished I Could Pee on This, thanks for the suggestion ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  42. Petrea BurchardJanuary 16, 2015 at 9:07 AM

    Ha!
    I haven't read the whole thing yet and that one is new to me. Cats have a sense of humor!

    ReplyDelete

I appreciate your comment. You are a nice person—smart and good looking, too.