Pages

Friday, May 20, 2011

Oh Joy, Oh Rapture

I don't know about you but I've left my weekend calendar open, especially tomorrow--you know, for the rapture and all.

I don't fool myself that I'm going anywhere, but I'm excited to see who's holy enough to get raptured. Who do you think? The pope? John Boehner? Beyonce?

Anybody who thinks they're holy probably isn't, so it's going to be a surprise. It's supposed to be only about 3% of the world's population, so maybe we won't even notice.

Are you going? Anybody you know? Whom would you like to see raptured tomorrow?



Oh Joy, Oh Rapture Unforeseen (Boz found this particularly annoying.)

35 comments:

Latino Heritage said...

A bit of different, but perhaps appropriate, G & S - Punishment Fits the Crime, Mikado.

J+P said...

I got raptured ten years ago.

dive said...

Hahahahaha. Really?
Boy howdy, Petrea, I assume this rapture business is an American thing as I'd not heard it over here (the only reference I'd come across is in Doonesbury so thank you for making sense of this week's strips).
Well, if God's Elect are indeed taken from us tomorrow it will certainly make the world a much happier place.
Thank you for bringing this hilarious news to my attention and making my morning very giggly.

frazgo said...

I won't and I don't even have anything to repent prior to tomorrow. I think if it doesn't rain I'll wash and wax the car to celebrate with a cleansing of my own.

Dina said...

What an appropriate picture.
I enjoy your questions here.

It was in Bible Belt Arkansas that I first heard about the rapture. Most of the 40 other volunteers at Heifer Ranch were good-Christian types.
One Sunday I left the house to go do livestock chores and there was no one about. Over a thousand acres of ranch, and I did not find a living soul. Strange, very strange.
Then I remembered the rapture idea and that I was the only Jew there. Was I "left behind" I wondered (with a wild laugh).

Speedway said...

How will they feel (the so-called "raptured") when they wake up tomorrow and find themselves in a squalid room with Osama, sharing a a remote and arguing over Saturday morning cartoons?

ben wideman said...

I wonder if we still can blog about Pasadena after the world ends?

Vanda said...

We should have a party or something. Or at least a barbecue.

Laurie said...

I'm securing Left Behind Daily Photo. Just letting you guys know.

Petrea Burchard said...

I should ask this question at least once a week! This is funnier than Zen Monday.

Here you go, Roberta: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuvERdcEX6Q

J, has it been that long? We need a second honeymoon.

Dive, if only Americans are getting raptured I KNOW there's something wrong.

Frazgo, you've got me worried! You say you don't have anything to repent. I think tomorrow you'd better hide. Better yet, you should sin today.

Dina, can only Christians get raptured? Oh, don't get me started. I love your story. I'd like to steal it.

Speedway, a brilliant reason not to be too sanctimonious--one wouldn't want to get raptured to hell.

Ben, I think we have until October. You and I will apparently just shut down (according to the Wikipedia link), so I guess we won't need our computers. Maybe our cell phones, though.

Vanda, we can do that after the others leave. In fact, I think May 22-October 20 is party time!

Laurie. Good call. Can we send in photos from our cell phones?

Book Dragon said...

I'll be in a 5k race tomorrow morning so everything better wait for me to get home a shower! I want to look nice for my mug shot....really officer, I don't understand where my husband is....

Susan Campisi said...

This is hilarious, Petrea! So are all the comments.

I might be watching my dog and cats fly into the sky, but my feet won't leave the earth.

Petrea Burchard said...

I guess I won't say "break a leg," Book Dragon. Say, is your husband really that saintly?

The comments make this one, Susan. By the way, I love Tommy but I don't think he's going anywhere.

Speedway said...

How can one experience "rapture" if everything one believes seems to be based on denial of pleasure at every turn? Wouldn't the so-called "rapture" then be a sin, meaning one would then be forced into an eternity of self-flagellation, thus negating the whole "rapture" concept?

altadenahiker said...

I wish you had reminded me about the world ending earlier in the week. Before I cleaned the refrigerator.

Petrea Burchard said...

Speedway, I hope that's a rhetorical question because if you're asking me, apparently I've been misunderstanding "rapture" for a long time.

Sorry, Hiker, I never imagined you would do such a thing.

Speedway said...

"Spiritual or emotional ecstasy" of rapture sure sounds like it s/b pleasurable. Then there's "rapture of the deep," which is a "confused mental state caused by nitrogen forced into a diver's bloodstream from atmospheric air under pressure." Hmm. I dunno. I'm just gonna spend the day watching the Preakness Stakes and Pole Day Qualifying for the Indy 500 for which there's video streaming at http://livestre.am/7RDa. That's pleasure enough for me -- all those people getting snatched up will have had too much nitrogen, I think.

Diana said...

Hope Donald Trump gets taken - enough already...

Pasadena Adjacent said...

ME! ME! (hand raised) TAKE ME!!

Bellis said...

PA, no, stay here. Once Mitt Romney, Beyonce and all those who actually believe in this stuff have gone, the world will be a better place.

Did you know that airlines are making sure a Christian pilot is paired with a non-Christian copilot tomorrow? In case both pilots are taken mid-flight. This thing happens in an instant.

I'm offering to look after left-behind pets when their owners are raptured. For peace of mind, give me $100 and your house keys this evening. I'll take good care of every type of animal. [Not an original idea - this is a scheme already in effect].

J+P said...

Vanda, if I know my Scripture (okay, their Scripture), after Saturday the barbecue will come whether we want it to or not. Think of all this build-up — the Rapture, the church's history hell, all of time itself — as starter fluid squirted on the charcoal briquettes of eternity …

Anybody got a match?

Petrea Burchard said...

Beyonce believes this? I was just kidding. I thought she might get to go because she's pretty.

I would think the only sin-free creatures on the planet are animals, Bellis, so if anybody's getting raptured it would be pets. Boz isn't going, though, not after the greetings he shared with other dogs at Hahamongna today.

You guys are funny today. We need more nutcases to make fun of.

Speedway said...

Maybe we should set up code words to contact one another -- just in case. There'd be a word to use if we got snatched up, another if we didn't.

But how could we tell one way or the other? I think heaven is right here and now, with all its trials and worries. Would I just find myself suddenly without my frenetic kitty -- and with a year's supply of litter and flea meds? Oh, fer shur all those men who're too tightly wound but none too tightly wrapped will suddenly be GONE!!! :-D

Katie said...

I wonder if Harold Egbert Camping has set his alarm for 12:01 am on the 22nd so he can get up and write the script for his radio show later that morning that will explain the exact reason why his calculation for the Rapture was wrong. I'm betting he'll say it's REALLY going to be in 2019.

Ms M said...

Well, darn, I did all that yard work for nothing if the Big Barbecue is coming this weekend! Better break out the margaritas!

Petrea Burchard said...

Party at Ms. M's!

Speedway, your suggestion sounds like earthquake plans. Sometimes local phone lines don't work so you set a point outside the area to call. In this case, we should choose someone we know to be unholy, and just check in.
Okay, feel free. Just check in here.

What say we meet up at Ms. M's party and write the script for him, Katie? I'll bet he's already written it.

Dina said...

I phoned my Protestant nun friends here in the neighborhood today to "say goodbye." They had already heard about the rapture prediction on the French- and English-language Israel Radio news.
We all had a good laugh.

Speedway said...

Marco...?

Hello, is anybody there ...?

Uh-oh.

Petrea Burchard said...

Dina, that is too funny.

No excuses for Marco yet, Speedway. It's not happening until 6pm California time.

Dina said...

Hi Petrea. I'm just reporting in. Israel just passed 6 pm and we are still here. When it gets darker everyone will light a bonfire for the Lag BaOmer holiday. (That could look weird from space.)

Apparently the rapture is predicted for 6 pm in each time zone. So you guys still have a while.

Petrea Burchard said...

And here I was thinking it was all 6pm California time.

Good to know you're still here, Dina. That tells me the best people are staying.

Pasadena Adjacent said...

I'm ready. I even got dressed for the ocassion. Hopefully I'll be sipping rapture wine with Shanna and Jim. If I don't make the cut, I'll be heading over to a Garvanza party.

Petrea Burchard said...

My neighbor said her "friends had a party last night where they released 20 blow-up dolls filled with helium."

I love that.

Book Dragon said...

I did a 5k this morning with a great time (for me). Went shopping and to lunch with Daughter then came home and took a nap.

Slept right through the rapture.

Husband is still here so I guess he's not as saintly as I thought he was.

Wait a minute....our pool filters not working well so he spent his Saturday draining the swimming pool and cleaning out the sludge with a dust pan for a party this weekend! That's not saintly?

geez what do you have to do around here?

Petrea Burchard said...

Book Dragon, it sounds like you have heaven on earth. And your hubby perhaps deserves some kind of heavenly reward.